Pretty sweet title, huh? Remember the movie, "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?" That is a sad moment when a person can't even leave their own room of their own house. Luckily when I was 900+ lbs I could still walk a short distance. I could leave my house. When I was married, my wife's parents lived across the field from us and when we'd go over there I would have to open the trunk of the car and sit in it as if it were a big chair. Quite embarrassing to say the least. As I said, I could leave the room and leave the house, but I was still inside my own prison. You here that so many times with overweight people. It's so true, though. Even at just over 450 lbs now, I'm still trapped inside somewhat. It's not a maximum security prison as it was when I was 900+ lbs, but it's more like a county jail I guess you could say by comparison. I believe I'm more healthy at 450 lbs now, on my "weigh" down than I was when I was 450 lbs on my "weigh" up to 900+!!!
The things that used to cross my mind when I was that big... I would sit and watch Brandon and McKenzie play and I couldn't even enjoy that time with them. I was so miserable. I felt so alone and sometimes I just wished God would take me home to Him. One day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, feeling sorry for myself and I wondered if today would be the day I would die and not have to go through all this anymore. I suppose that was being selfish, thinking about that. That very day God spoke to my heart and told me something that I'd never forget. I was sitting on the edge of the bed watching TV. I had to go to the bathroom really bad. I was rocking back and forth trying to get up, as my bed didn't have a frame and it was low to the floor anyway. I finally made it to my feet and away I went, waddling to the bathroom to pee. Before I got up, I was flipping channels on the TV and it landed on TBN and I couldn't stand it no more, the pain of needing to go really bad. As I was in the bathroom, I heard this voice on the TV. A raspy sounding voice actually. When I got back from the bathroom I noticed it was a woman talking. She said, "Stop complaining about what you don't have and what you can't do and thank God for what you DO have and what you CAN DO!!!" God spoke to me through that lady on TV. Joyce Meyer helped me save my own life that very day. It's as if He whispered in my ear and said, "Son, I'm not done with you yet. You've got a journey to go on, now get ready!" I had a dream planted in my heart. Not only to save my own life, but to help someone else save theirs too.
The Biggest Loser on NBC didn't motivate or inspire me til season 6. Before that season, I had a mindset that I would never be able to do what they did. There was no way, Jose!!! Yeah, So I thought... I hope you are enjoying reading and going through this journey with me. I'll continue writing from where I left off, next time. Until then, I hope you have a great week. God Bless ♥
God bless you Earl for sharing your journey. I've struggled with my weight all my life, so I can relate to you in many ways. Every day has its challenges and it's triumphs as we work to drop those pounds; main thing is we just have to keep pressing ahead. :) You are a true inspiration!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this, Earl! The prison analogy really hits home. I can't tell you how many days I feel like I am watching life pass me by with 500 pounds of shackles weighing me down. I am removing those shackles one link (one pound) at a time and actually made myself a paper chain to remove the links one pound at a time as a visual, lol. You inspire me each and every day....I want you to know that just as God used the voice of Joyce Meyers to remind you of what you can do, He uses your words to remind me of the same thing.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy for u. I cant wait to see the next chapter of ur life. We all need to get together soon. BL13 friends
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with reaching your goals. I think you can do it since you have a great support network here and with your family.
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