Pretty sweet title, huh? Remember the movie, "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?" That is a sad moment when a person can't even leave their own room of their own house. Luckily when I was 900+ lbs I could still walk a short distance. I could leave my house. When I was married, my wife's parents lived across the field from us and when we'd go over there I would have to open the trunk of the car and sit in it as if it were a big chair. Quite embarrassing to say the least. As I said, I could leave the room and leave the house, but I was still inside my own prison. You here that so many times with overweight people. It's so true, though. Even at just over 450 lbs now, I'm still trapped inside somewhat. It's not a maximum security prison as it was when I was 900+ lbs, but it's more like a county jail I guess you could say by comparison. I believe I'm more healthy at 450 lbs now, on my "weigh" down than I was when I was 450 lbs on my "weigh" up to 900+!!!
The things that used to cross my mind when I was that big... I would sit and watch Brandon and McKenzie play and I couldn't even enjoy that time with them. I was so miserable. I felt so alone and sometimes I just wished God would take me home to Him. One day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, feeling sorry for myself and I wondered if today would be the day I would die and not have to go through all this anymore. I suppose that was being selfish, thinking about that. That very day God spoke to my heart and told me something that I'd never forget. I was sitting on the edge of the bed watching TV. I had to go to the bathroom really bad. I was rocking back and forth trying to get up, as my bed didn't have a frame and it was low to the floor anyway. I finally made it to my feet and away I went, waddling to the bathroom to pee. Before I got up, I was flipping channels on the TV and it landed on TBN and I couldn't stand it no more, the pain of needing to go really bad. As I was in the bathroom, I heard this voice on the TV. A raspy sounding voice actually. When I got back from the bathroom I noticed it was a woman talking. She said, "Stop complaining about what you don't have and what you can't do and thank God for what you DO have and what you CAN DO!!!" God spoke to me through that lady on TV. Joyce Meyer helped me save my own life that very day. It's as if He whispered in my ear and said, "Son, I'm not done with you yet. You've got a journey to go on, now get ready!" I had a dream planted in my heart. Not only to save my own life, but to help someone else save theirs too.
The Biggest Loser on NBC didn't motivate or inspire me til season 6. Before that season, I had a mindset that I would never be able to do what they did. There was no way, Jose!!! Yeah, So I thought... I hope you are enjoying reading and going through this journey with me. I'll continue writing from where I left off, next time. Until then, I hope you have a great week. God Bless ♥
Monday, January 9, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
IF ONLY HEAVEN HAD A FACEBOOK
This is from a note I posted recently on Facebook. I hope you enjoy it.
IF ONLY HEAVEN HAD FACEBOOK...
There would be so much to say and so many hugs to give and so many stories to share. If Heaven had a facebook I'd write every day to my loved one that are there. To my daddy, whom I hardly got along with because we were both so stubborn and hard headed. Lol... I always called you "daddy" even up til the day you passed away. I never grew out of that. Even though we were both hard headed and we never said those three words. I did love you and still do and always will. So many things happened growing up that has been forgiven and I hope you forgive me for being stubborn as well. I miss you a lot.
Love always,
Your son :)
There are so many that I would write to. But the main one I would write to is my baby girl, McKenzie Erin Kennedy. Her sun rose on March 20th, 2000 and her sun set on January 30, 2009. McKenzie, if only you could see this from Heaven. These last 36 months have been the loneliest I've ever been. I never got to be the daddy I wanted to be to you. The daddy that could go play outside like a daddy should and play games like your most favorite game in the world... "TAG, YOU'RE IT." Lol. If only you could be here now. We'd play tag and skip rocks across the water and do anything your heart desired. I was asked a few weeks ago the hardest question I've ever been asked. If I could have you back from heaven would I have you back? If I wanted to be selfish I would say yes I would, but I can't be selfish like that. You are in the most beautiful place beyond our imagination. I would not wish you back, even though I would love to spend one more minute with you which would turn into one more hour then one more day and so on and I wouldn't want you to leave again. So, no I wouldn't wish that. I miss your smile and those big bright blue eyes. I see your eyes every time I look into the mirror. I'm thankful for those eight years, ten months and ten days you were here with us. Heaven needed a champion and you were definitely my little champion. You're my hero. Some days I just feel like giving up on this journey I'm on in getting healthy. But I know I can't give up. I won't let you down or let myself down. I know the prize at the end of my journey will be great, but really there's no end. The prize is that my journey begins again when I get to my goal weight and I continue to be healthy and pay it forward to others and help them save their lives. Thank you baby girl for being the best little Angel Girl a daddy could ever have. I love you and I miss you. Until I see you again, just know I love you so much, sweetheart.
Love Always and Forever and two days,
Daddy <3
As I said, there's so many people I'd write to. I just wanna say to everyone that reads this, I'm thankful for each one of you. Friends are like family that we get to choose. You guys are awesome and I'm thankful to you all. Thank you for putting up with me. God Bless :-)
Love,
Your Brother in Christ,
earl
IF ONLY HEAVEN HAD FACEBOOK...
There would be so much to say and so many hugs to give and so many stories to share. If Heaven had a facebook I'd write every day to my loved one that are there. To my daddy, whom I hardly got along with because we were both so stubborn and hard headed. Lol... I always called you "daddy" even up til the day you passed away. I never grew out of that. Even though we were both hard headed and we never said those three words. I did love you and still do and always will. So many things happened growing up that has been forgiven and I hope you forgive me for being stubborn as well. I miss you a lot.
Love always,
Your son :)
There are so many that I would write to. But the main one I would write to is my baby girl, McKenzie Erin Kennedy. Her sun rose on March 20th, 2000 and her sun set on January 30, 2009. McKenzie, if only you could see this from Heaven. These last 36 months have been the loneliest I've ever been. I never got to be the daddy I wanted to be to you. The daddy that could go play outside like a daddy should and play games like your most favorite game in the world... "TAG, YOU'RE IT." Lol. If only you could be here now. We'd play tag and skip rocks across the water and do anything your heart desired. I was asked a few weeks ago the hardest question I've ever been asked. If I could have you back from heaven would I have you back? If I wanted to be selfish I would say yes I would, but I can't be selfish like that. You are in the most beautiful place beyond our imagination. I would not wish you back, even though I would love to spend one more minute with you which would turn into one more hour then one more day and so on and I wouldn't want you to leave again. So, no I wouldn't wish that. I miss your smile and those big bright blue eyes. I see your eyes every time I look into the mirror. I'm thankful for those eight years, ten months and ten days you were here with us. Heaven needed a champion and you were definitely my little champion. You're my hero. Some days I just feel like giving up on this journey I'm on in getting healthy. But I know I can't give up. I won't let you down or let myself down. I know the prize at the end of my journey will be great, but really there's no end. The prize is that my journey begins again when I get to my goal weight and I continue to be healthy and pay it forward to others and help them save their lives. Thank you baby girl for being the best little Angel Girl a daddy could ever have. I love you and I miss you. Until I see you again, just know I love you so much, sweetheart.
Love Always and Forever and two days,
Daddy <3
As I said, there's so many people I'd write to. I just wanna say to everyone that reads this, I'm thankful for each one of you. Friends are like family that we get to choose. You guys are awesome and I'm thankful to you all. Thank you for putting up with me. God Bless :-)
Love,
Your Brother in Christ,
earl
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Half The Man, Twice the Person... My Journey From Tragedy To Triumph
I'd like to thank you all for your encouragement and kind words. I've been over weight my whole life. I've learned bad habits during childhood and carried it into my adulthood. I learned not to waste food as a child and that carried over into my adult life. I'm going to reminisce from time to time and dip into my childhood. Good memories and not so good memories. There's a lot I've got to say through this journey I'm on and I could probably write a book. Well, actually I am going to write one someday. As many may know, I weighed over 900+ lbs at my heaviest. Being 913 lbs isn't something I like to brag about, really. But coming down from that with everything that's happened with my baby girl passing away and other things that's happened, well we could say God has made me stronger through all my weaknesses and falling down along the way. I hope you enjoy this ride through this journey and hopefully it will inspire someone that may be going through something similar. I always tell people it's never too late to live a happy childhood. Until next time, My Name Is Earl. God Bless :):)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)